In 2010 I was told I’d never have kids-so I bought a puppy, Hagan.

Hagan and I did everything together (I thought of him as my child), however-in December 2011, Hagan ingested some antifreeze and as a result suffered for a couple days before I was forced to make the tough decision to put him down. I was so distraught and couldn’t stop crying. I felt as though no one wanted to be around me anymore because I made them cry with my story. The final straw was when my boyfriend dumped me on New Years Day because he felt as though he couldn’t make me happy anymore.

Exactly 5 weeks later, I tried to kill myself-because surely that would be easier than living with such pain.
I woke up a few days later in the ICU, apparently I was brought to the ER and had to be resuscitated a few times, and was later sent to the ICU. Upon waking and having a clear head (several hours after waking), I was evaluated by a psychiatrist-she gave me the option of staying at the hospital in the psych unit voluntarily or being forced to go there-naturally I chose to go voluntarily.

“I was afraid of the stigma attached to attempting suicide (being called “crazy” and looked at as though I was crazy).”

Little did I know it would be the best decision I had made. I had learned later on that how I was feeling was natural after such a grievous occurrence, but to act on those feelings was impulsive and I lacked the coping skills needed to cope with the situation. I didn’t know there was help for me-for the way I was feeling. I now advocate for people to get professional help and I tell my story as often as I can to help lessen the stigma and help as many people as possible.

Back to all stories